That's not a knife...

This little product spawned a rather large number of tasteless jokes today.

http://gizmodo.com/5715616/the-credit-card-knife-is-for-the-truly-unbalanced



"Garbage bags. Five dollars.
Out of state panel van rental. Two hundred and fifty dollars.
Entry into national park. Ten dollars.
Being finally free of your overbearing mother. Priceless."


"You'd really be in trouble once the wife got a hold of that card. What if she held it against you? It could lead to a sharp blow."

"Imagine the charges you'd incur for using that card!"

"The rewards program includes free accomodation and food."

"It would generate a lot of interest if you used it."

"Excessive use might leave you in the red..."

"shop till THEY drop..."


And so on. It was rather enjoyable tormenting my co-workers with jokes like that...

A quote for the ages

I didn't come up with this but I think it is a fantastic line...

"You can wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first."

Don't try this at home kids.

"Stop macropocide through autocide now!"
I dare you to put that on a bill board in Australia...

Talpicide is the killing of moles. I am uncertain what the killing of moles with shovels would be called. Rutilacide?

I was looking for words to use in reference to deleting data structures. No luck. Why couldn't the Romans have more words for data structures in object oriented programming?

I am no good at poetry

Roses are black
Violets are black
Tis so very sad
For vision I lack

Avoiding the HST

Just before the HST came in was a good time to make major purchases that would otherwise be more expensive under the new tax system.

I received a wonderful little flyer entitled "Avoid The HST And Pre-Plan Today." What was being advertised? Naturally it was "Highland Park Cemetery". I was of course thrilled at any chance to thwart the government on tax collection and instantly contemplated suicide, thus avoiding the HST entirely.

I'm not sure what turned me off the idea. Perhaps it was the text at the bottom of the flyer.

"MORE THAN JUST A CEMETERY"

I'm not quite sure what that means but it doesn't fill me with confidence that my eternal place of rest would necessarily be all that restful or eternal. Maybe it doubles as a dog walking park or an amusement park or something worse. I don't particularly relish the thought of being the passive necrophiliac*

*Thankyou Doug Anthony All stars

Unfortunate web address choices

http://www.fingeraccess.com.au/

Science fiction has a lot to answer for.

Science fiction stories are a wealth of fantastic ideas and technologies strung together in a myriad of ways.

For all their attention to detail, authors often overlook certain aspects of the technologies and powers they create in their stories.

One such example is "The Chrysalids" by John Wyndham.

***SPOILER ALERT***

There are a bunch of kids who are all telepathic and they are very keen to hide this from their zealous neighbors who view any kind of deviation as cause for death. The main character David is surprised to discover that his little sister Petra is an incredibly powerful telepath. She can inadvertently command all the local telepaths and even project her mental voice to New Zealand. Eventually the telepaths are rescued from their precarious position and taken to New Zealand where telepaths are accepted and encouraged and form a large percentage of the population. Petra's delight at seeing the city is painful for everyone around even though she is trying to hold back. Turns out that she is more powerful than any previously encountered telepath.

What happens when this little girl grows up and gets her first orgasm? Nearby telepaths would collapse bleeding from the ears with a giant grin on their faces. Trains, planes and cars would crash as their drivers lost control. The entire country would go weak at the knees if they didn't die first. All the survivors would know exactly what had happened...at least until they were killed by a colossal wave of shame and embarrassment that would come from Petra once she realised what had happened.

On the bus

Many things happen on public transport. The fact that we are all forced to share a space creates an interesting set of interactions and witnessed events.

I was riding the bus home on Saturday, dressed as a 19th century Victorian gentleman and minding my own business. Some young Goth girl sat next to me. Some might say Emo but I'll give her credit for accessorising a little more than most Emo kids would. Anyway the seat in front of me became free and she decided she would rather have a seat to herself. She had little dice for earrings and a collar with spikes and dog bones. Her hair was died with that cheap black dye that actually looks like a very dark blue.

I was mildly pleased to have someone else weirdly dressed on the bus. She then proceeded to pull out a drawing pad and pen and resume working on an unfinished artistic project. It was a mix of symbols and drawings but one bit in particular stood out and formed quite the contrast to the love hearts near it.



What is creepier than seeing a little girl drawing a hanged man?

A man dressed in hundred year old fashion offering constructive criticism that the hanging post will never hold up without a cross beam. Also her shading was off. But I did like the minimalist representation of the hanged man that she had.

N.B. This image is my humble attempt to recreate the likeness of her drawing. Also I kept my opinions to myself. The bus drivers are required by law to stop the bus route and wait for the police should any sort of disturbance occur. I didn't want to be kept from my truffles and coffee ice cream now did I.